This will be your last warning
May 7, 00:49
So now let’s examine where you were and what you were doing on Saturday night. Being a hipster, you probably found yourself at the dwelling of another hipster, or perhaps a group of hipsters, reveling in the celebration of a holiday you knew very little about. And since it since it was undoubtedly a hipster event, you found yourself drinking PBR, the beer that’s allowed to suck because someone somewhere decided this beer was so cool it didn’t matter how bad it was.
OK so you’re sitting around or talking about fixed gear bicycles or post rock bands (OMG Pelican!) and now you have an empty beer can/bottle that needs replacing with one of a not-so-empty nature.
Quick. What do you do? Let’s hope you aren’t drunk, because if you are, please stop reading. Now, you are in the presence of hipsters, in fact you are one of them, and it should occur to you that most hipsters have at least a casual relationship with environmental responsibility. In fact, some are even vegetarians. Here’s the plan:
1. Look for a blue bag. The Official Sign of Chicago Recycling. Try not to think about how 80% of legitimately recycled materials allegedly end up with the trash.
2. Ask. You know, ‘Where should I put my bottle?’ Works wonders.
3. Pile it near, BUT NOT IN, the garbage. This might seem rude, but a pile of neatly stacked cans and bottles is actually not hard to clean up.
The last thing you want to do is throw the can or bottle out with the other garbage. Doing so will lead to your host pulling empty potential recyclables out of a mess of wet beans, avocado gunk, and god knows what else the next night, or whenever he gets around to coming to terms with the festivities’ aftermath. Needless to say, this is not a fun experience, and one that could be easily avoided with the proper education and a little preemptive thought.
Next time, recycle your shit.
Thank you, and have a good night.