Dear Salsa Manufacturing Companies
Apr 4, 04:40
Let’s just get this straight. Most establishments sell your conveniently prepared products1 in three varieties: mild, medium, and hot. The heat levels of each are as follows:
- Mild. Boring, mostly soggy tomatoes and water. The heat level could be accurately be described as none.
- Medium. A perfect combination of fresh veggies and spices. Notable for the delayed onset of its heat.
- Hot. Stronger than medium, and perhaps a bit classier in approach; however, this one simply lacks the tact required to succeed.
Point being, the perfect salsa2 should be found somewhere around medium, a little bit to the hot side is fine thank-you-very-much. But I bought some of a brand I normally wouldn’t this weekend, and frankly, the stuff sucks. And by ‘sucks’ I mean I’m sort of pissed about my fledgling frugality getting the best of me.
Despite being clearly marked as ‘medium’, the salsa I endured was most definitely of the mild variety. It consisted of mostly reddish water with a few smallish vegetables and little to no flavor. There were no peppers, and there was most certainly no spice.
Please clean up your act. Let’s work together to make medium mean what is used to.
1 I know fresher-is-better but sometimes I don’t have the time, skills, or knives sharp enough to cut onions.
2 Again, the perfect salsa is not available anywhere near jars, let alone the grocery store; this should read ‘the best you can do in a pinch.’